Monday, December 31, 2007

Why I am no longer a Christian or A View of a Brave New World

I have spent the last year of my life going around and around in circles in my mind dealing with a crisis of faith.

It started with my first concept. I no longer believed in hell. It just did not make any sense to me. For Hell to exist it must have been created by God. Now what kind of God would create such an awful place? Discipline yes, but what sort of sick sadistic God would create a place of eternal torture? Not a place you go for a little while or until you learn your lesson, but for all eternity. Eternal torture and torment with no parole or end in sight. What a sick concept. And what do you have to do to desire such a fate you might ask? Genocide? Mass murder? Torture and killing of countless people? Yes, but also something relatively innocent like adultly, stealing, or possibly even not telling the truth depending on some peoples views. And the millions of people to happen to be born in countries where Christianity is not the norm or raised as such? Hell for them too. Burn baby burn.

Now the Christians go on endlessly about how God is all Love. A loving being wouldn't do this or ever even conceive of such a thing. Even if they are not correct and he is not all love, everyone seems to agree that the God is the creator of humanity. He made us and everything around us. Would you do this to your own creation? If this is true then truly God is nothing more than a kid with an ant farm and I want nothing to do with the sick son of a bitch.

To save myself from the pains of atheism it was far easier to just remove Hell from the equation and still be able to believe in God or at least a divine. This got me by for awhile until I could no longer ignore the obvious problems with this new view point. If you remove damnation, then salvation becomes a moot point. Without salvation, then no point to Jesus or his death. What happens when you die? Does everyone go straight to heaven? What about the "bad" people? If everyone gets a free pass then what is the point of life? It cuts the legs right out from under all morality as well as any futility of life. If nothing matters then why bother with anything?

A quasi-hell, purgatory concept didn't seem likely. You go to hell until you "paid your debt" then get out, but seems just too, I don't know, modern penal system to me. How about an eastern flavor? Incarnation! Yes, that seems a good fix. You repeat this life over and over again until you finally get it right. Goes well with a hermetic view point. Even Crowley believed in reincarnation. So now the crisis is fixed. No longer Christian because without salvation or Christ, you cannot be a Christian, but I wasn't a damn atheist or heathen. I still believed in a creator God or the divine. I could even allow the figure of Jesus to play a part as teacher and goal to achieve, to become like him.

This worked for a good while. I was even able to have a moral superiority over all the stupid Christians who actually feared Hell. I received all the good gushy feelings of being a religious type without any of the nasty side effects of actually having to do anything. But yet once again I began to question this new outlook on life and God. It just didn't feel right.

How can all this religious groups and all Christians really believe in hell? The concept of Hell and salvation for that matter is fundamental to all the groups, it is not just isolated to a fringe sect. How could they all possibly be wrong? You can try and play it off that they are all just stupid but if you actually believe in any sort of god then it boils down to two things.

#1. Either they are completely correct in their beliefs that Hell does exist.
#2. Or that God has not or can not correct his followers.

If number one is true then he is a sadistic God and I don't want anything to do with him. Even if I follow all the rules and get to go to Heaven, who would want to spend eternity with such a being? Fuck him, go ahead and send me to Hell.

If number two is true, then if he is such an ineffectual god that he cannot even teach his own followers what is true or not, then he is not deserving of my worship. Even in the best case, God could teach his followers the truth yet he keeps a hands off approach. Either as some sort of test or not to interfere in some sort of metaphysical prime directive. Once again, I don't want to play games, either man up and be God or leave me alone. If he is following a non-interference rule then it gives me a free pass to ignore him back.

This set up an odd state for me. Now either God just didn't exist or if he did then I had an animosity with him.

So I am left with a couple of options.

1. God is all Powerful and all Loving. So Hell doesn't exist as modern Christian religions understand it. Salvation is no longer valid. Jesus may or may not have existed. If Jesus did die on the cross then it had no point or God did not interfere and allowed him to die at the hands of mankind. So, we are left with a God who is so loving that he is ineffectual to save even his own son, or correct all his followers in the lies carried out in his name at his expense. Therefore, God is all Loving, but not all Powerful. He is either unable to change things or chooses not to for some reason. Or just outright does not exist.

2. God is all Powerful and not all loving. Rather only loving to a select few who only obey him beyond all else. This has issues as most of our inherent instincts drive us against his commands. So in effect he set us up to fail. See Garden of Eden: You can have everything in here except this one tree. Hint, hint, wink, wink, guess what is going to happen next? Therefore, God set up the universe as a test or a great cosmic joke to see if we could overcome ourselves or burn forever. Sick.

Dealing with this existential crisis I went around and around following cycles of logic each pointing to the truth I refused to see. I would scoff at Christianity but deep down still be in its thrall. I suffered depths of nihilism and would out of fear and depression approach the relativity safety of salvation yet again, back and forth until finally I allowed myself to see the perverse truth of the Christian religion and thought. Nietzsche was correct, the Christian God is a slave god. He is not in the least bit interested in my freedom or desires. He has given us "laws" do this, but don't do that or else. To be a Christian is to be a slave, to follow and wholly swallow its values regardless of what your heart says. You must overcome the inner voice and accept the voice out of time recorded in a book and repeated every Sunday morning from a pulpit. God is Love. He loves you. Do as he says! You are a bad person if you do not. You are a bad person if you think otherwise. You will be punished if you do not obey. You will be punished if you even question the truth. You must give up what your own physical body tells you to be true. If you give up all earthly pleasures and remove your own sense of values to replace them with ours you will be rewarded, but not now, only later, only after you die.

To sum up.

You must give up everything to follow God to gain the promise of salvation and eternal life. Although the promise is a bit shaky to begin with and almost every bit of the Christian belief system fails under the slightest of examination. In the light of reason the whole mess looks down right silly. The church's historical stance of being anti-science and critical of any individual thought or questioning makes a lot more sense in this light.

To give up God, to not follow him, to reject him, or out right accept the most probable conclusion that there is no God is a bolder path. Bold and terrifying in the extreme. If you remove God then you remove the bed rock of all of western society. Everything that is good and holy is now a lie and worthless. You no longer have societal norms to fall back on, you have to think for yourself. You have to decided what is good and what is evil, what is right and what is wrong. You must suffer the slings and arrows of those who are still stuck in the Christian paradox and are afraid to examine it in any real depth. You have to accept that when you die most likely you just cease to exist and the world will go on as if you never existed. You have to accept the fact that life in all likelihood has no intrinsic value or goal, that you yourself have to give life meaning or live with the fact that the next sixty years you will be doing nothing but working, eating, and pooping just so that you too can die for nothing. It is a great responsibility. You must accept your life and your decisions and all the random crap that comes from living without the old fall back of begging and pleading with heaven for things to change. If things are going to change then you must make it so.

On the other hand there are some good things that come with this bold path. A brave new world opens up. There is no damnation, there is no salvation, you are innocent and free to roam the earth doing what you will. If you accept that you will die and overcome the fear of that one certain and unalterable fact then there really is nothing left to fear. There is no punishment, there is no reward, you take life at its face value. You are finally and truly free. It is at once a terrifying and exhilarating new view of life.

Monday, June 25, 2007

Thoughts on Liber XC, Liber Tzaddi Vel Hamus Hermeticus

Initiation is the end of sorrow, salvation from the black earth of malkuth. Salvation from folly, idleness, and slavery. In initiation you will discover that earthly pleasures are nothing but shadows and dust.

As Fear is failure, therefore be without fear, demand to do your will and nothing else and above all never bow to the slavery of fear. As Demeter fed the boy nectar and ambrosia of the Gods to make him immortal so shall initiation into the mysteries. Thus we too become proud, beautiful, strong, and swift as the weaknesses of the timid, the tearful, and the cowardly are our enemies. Become as the double cube alter, An Abyss of Height and as an Abyss of Depth. Do not seek only the higher but rather become the unity of all. Seek equilibrium in all things! If you are drawn and attracted only to the darkness then seek the light, if you are drawn to light then seek the dark. Only imbalance is evil, and equilibrium is perfect.

They shall be masters of majesty and might; they shall be beautiful and joyous; they shall be clothed with victory and spledour; they shall stand upon the firm foundation; the kingdom shall be theirs; yea, the kingdom shall be theirs.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Outline of Liber ABA (part 1) Mysticism

I have been rereading Crowley's Book 4 part 1 and I noticed that the introduction entitled "Preliminary Remarks" is nothing more than an essay outlining his theorem based "Postcards to Probationers". Or more to the point, Postcards is the summery of part 1. He then proceeds in the text to outline each step and how to accomplish it. So to further that work I shall write up a short outline of Part 1 of Book 4.

Preliminary Remarks outlines the appearance of Genius or as in Postcards "super consciousness or christs". That they all had only one thing in common, they disappeared from society for awhile before returning changed as having seen God. The entire book of part 1 outlines the steps to accomplish this.

To sum up, we assert a secret source of energy which explains the phenomenon of Genius. We do not believe in any supernatural explanations, but insist that this source may be reached by the following out of definite rules, the degree of success depending upon the capacity of the seeker, and not upon the favour of any Divine Being. We assert that the critical phenomenon which determines success is an occurrence in the brain characterized essentially by the uniting of subject and object. We propose to discuss this phenomenon, analyse its nature, determine accurately the physical, mental and moral conditions which are favourable to it, to ascertain its cause, and thus to produce it in ourselves, so that we may adequately study its effects.1:

1. Asana: Before a man can still the mind he must first still the body. Choose a posture and master it before you can move on.

2. Pranayama: Breathing correctly fortifies the body and stills the emotions in able to fully focus upon the mind. Mantra or any steady breathing shall accomplish this.

3. Yama and Niyama: Ethics and good works are needed so the passions may not disturb the work. The law of thelema covers these both adaqualey.

4. Pratyahara: Observing the mind. Before the mind can be controlled the thought processes must be mapped out and understood. This can be accomplished through detached observation of the thoughts during meditation. Or as advised by the Master Therion the use of Liber III vel Jugorum.

5. Dharana: Now to the meat of the practice, the mind must be forced to concentrate upon a single object only and count the breaks in practice. This will lead to the ends. In Liber E, Crowley advocates the use of the tattwas to focus your concentration on.

6. Dhyana: Once the body and breath have been stilled as to not interfere with practice and sufficent progress has been made in Dharana you may experence Dhyana. It is not a practice but a experence. In it the object meditated upon and the meditator become one. The mind becomes a blank and a spiritual experence happens.

7. Samadhi: The culmination of the work. Literally meaning union with the divine. Dhyana extended into a true mystical experence resulting in attainment of samadi. The Master Therion suggests the practices in Liber Thisharb vel Vaie Memoriae towards these ends.

“Q.” And how do you proceed?
“A.” Firstly, we still the body by the practice called Asana, and secure its ease and the regularity of its functions by Pranayama. Thus no messages from the body will disturb the mind.
Secondly, by Yama and Niyama, we still the emotions and passions, and thus prevent them arising to disturb the mind.
Thirdly, by Pratyahara we analyse the mind yet more deeply, and begin to control and suppress thought in general of whatever nature.
Fourthly, we suppress all other thoughts by a direct concentration upon a single thought. This process, which leads to the highest results, consists of three parts, Dharana, Dhyana, and Samadhi, grouped under the single term Samyama.

Friday, June 8, 2007

Outline of Postcard to Probationers

The Theorems state simply the value of the work. The work leads to super consciousness, making christs. The appearance and presence of christs advances the world. Therefore our work advances the world around us. This relates to the alchemical idea that when a material is perfected it causes the exaltation of materials that comes into contact with it. Like begets like.

The methods to attain this super consciousness are retirement and concentration as the state is a natural process and not dependent on theology or morality. Since truth is super rational it cannot be expressed or attained through reason but only through balance and equilibrium.

The method of equilibrium:
1. Passions: Since attainment is not dependent on theology or morality, they need not concern you.
2. Reason: Since attainment is not possible through reason, contradict every idea that presents itself to you.
3. Spiritual: Since man is finite and is unable to comprehend the infinite, contradict every vision that presents itself to you.
Thus balanced the result shall be a trance state and the supreme method of silence being Samyama.

Yoga and Magick are the art of uniting the mind to a single idea, be it knowledge, will, love, courage, speech, or work. As balance is key, understand all these things and unite them with the supreme method of silence in Samyama.

Thursday, June 7, 2007

Outline of Liber II, The Message of the Master Therion

The law of Thelema states:
"Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law."
"There is no Law beyond Do what thou wilt."

Both statements of Law in essence say the same thing but only with slightly different wording. Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law, states your one and only purpose and goal is to perform your will and nothing else as this is the whole of the Law. There is no Law beyond Do what thou wilt, states there is no other Law than doing your will, this and this only.

These statements are strengthened by the antithesis that states, "The word of Sin is Restriction." That the only sin is the sin of obstacles to that will regardless if those be internal or external. This includes other actions that are not of your will or in support of your will. The Law of Thelema is absolute freedom and absolute slavery. You must pursue and perform your will, not your wants but your will, regardless of any obstacles or imposed moral codes. You have the freedom to do your will in any way, shape, or form it takes but you are also a slave to your will as you must follow it and nothing else. Anything performed outside of your will is a "sin" as it takes away from your will. If you consume food know that it is only to maintain life so you may do your will. If you sleep know that it is only to have the strength to follow your will. All of your being and all of your actions must be in support of your will and nothing else.

Therefore the Message of the Master Therion is thus:
1. Find out what is thy Will.
2. Do that Will with:
a. one-pointedness
b. detachment
c. peace

To accomplish the first part the Master Therion recommends the practices outlined in Liber Thisarb (Liber CMXIII Liber Thisharb vel Vaie Memoriae) or something similar. Once that is done it must be done and nothing else, forsaking all else, and without concern. Do this and the peace of love shall be the result as it is written, Love is the law, love under will.

Monday, May 21, 2007

True Will, a mundane approach

In an earlier post I theorized on a definition of true will. In that post I approached it from a bit of a mystical stand point. In a nutshell I explained that all your thoughts, emotions, and feelings are illusions of you and the deep untouched core beneath all this is the true self who has it's own agenda and that the realization of that agenda is the true will.

This is still true yet I feel it needs another layer of explanation from a more mundane point of view and try and avoid more mystical bents.

Point one, the entire planet and all of human kind is born, lives, and dies in groups.

Point two, all of these groups over time have established civilization, forms of government, religions, and an identifying culture.

Point three, it is in the best interests of these groups to collectivize and homogenize the populace of the group to strengthen and to act with unity of purpose, goals, and identity without which there would be no group.

Point four, to enact these interests the group uses a variety of tools including but not limited to laws, morality, mass media, and the use of the herd instinct to pressure the individual to maintain societal norms and expectations.

Point five, the constant use of these tools over time creates a collectivized consciousness where there is severe fear, mistrust, and anxiety over thoughts, desires, and actions considered outside the group norm regardless if they are found within by an individual or without in another individual or sub-group.

Now, if these points are true then we as human beings all think and behave according to our societal consciousness. Our laws, morals, sins, virtues, and very truths upon which we are built come largely from the group and many sub-groups such as religions, race, and families.

Our wills are not our own. To question everything is the beginning of discovering our will. What do we think of that? Why do we think that? The stripping away of layers of societal programming is the way to our wills. For by definition Our True Will is our will away from the herd. It is the truths we hold self evident not the truths we were told or taught that are self evident. Who is the self beneath all that stuff? How would that person behave if it was not following the societal script?

The old maxim "Know thy self." Seems an extension of this. If you truly know yourself as a separate and discreet entity away from the group then your will can only be your true will.

Sex, Cancer, and Control

I heard on the radio this morning that here in my home state of Georgia that bill SB 155 that would require all girls to receive an HPV vaccine before entering the sixth grade will not be placed on the calendar for a full Senate debate this session. In essence it is declared DEAD and will not go through or really even discussed anymore.

There was some heavy debate about making the vacine manditory which I myself might have issues with but the bill allows parents or guardians with religious objections to opt their child out of the vaccine -- as is required to be exempt from other immunizations. The measure also allows an exemption for parents or guardians who cannot afford the vaccination. Which in an unusual display of care for the poor over $4 million dollars was requested and approved to help pay for poorer families to receive the vaccine if they so choose.

So why you might ask is the bill dead? Religious groups outright rejected the vaccine because they believed it might promote promiscuity. (Stop for a second and reread that last sentence.)

HPV or the Human papilloma viruses is a extremely common sexually transmitted disease. Most cases have little to no symptoms so most people infected never realize it. luckily most cases clear up on their own but the ones that do not lead to and cause about 70% of cervical cancer cases.

Each year about 15,000 women in the United States learn that they have cervical cancer; an estimated 4,100 women will die of the disease this year. Worldwide, about 500,000 new cases of cervical cancer are diagnosed each year, resulting in 250,000 deaths. The disease is the second or third most common cancer among women (cervical cancer and colorectal cancer are virtually tied for second place after breast cancer).

The CDC's Advisory Committe on Immunization Practices voted unanimously to recommend that girls ages 11 and 12 receive the vaccine. The vaccine in clinical trials have been shown to be 100% effective in preventing infection.

Now once again this vaccine would be offered to even the poor and needy and if applied across the board would save 175,000 peoples lives and about 350,000 cases of cancer a year. But it will not because religious groups are opposed because they are worried more people might have sex. They would rather their daughters die from a horrible form of cancer than sleep around. That has to be the most narrow minded view I can possibly think of.

Worse than narrow mindedness is I cannot believe that anyone could actually believe that and instead are using it as a thin cover for their real agenda, Control.

Religious groups have always used sex and the rejection of sex as a form of control over the masses:

1. You may not have sex with anyone unless we first validate it with our ritual.
2. After this ritual you may not have sex with anyone else.
3. After this ritual you may not have thoughts about having sex with anyone else.
4. The sexual act with the validated partner must conform to the rules and restrictions we have outlined concerning birth control, position, frequency, and what is considered normal or abnormal in it's forms of expression.
5. We will only validate sex between people of the opposite sex, no exceptions.

The sexual act being central to producing children as well as the drive to have sex being hardwired into the species the control and regulation of it pervades all levels of society and consciousness. In the 1960's when easy and effective birth control was first available on a mass scale combined with the near control of most forms of sexually transmitted diseases you could almost hear the proverbial grinding of teeth of religious groups who were almost stripped of their lever of control. Contrasted with the sickening glee they expressed when HIV and AIDS appeared in the 1980's. They could not help themselves as they pointed their fingers and praised God for sending a scourge to punish the homosexuals and the promiscuous.

Praise God for the heathen scientists for discovering that a virtually ignored STD causes cancer. We must use it to add one more layer of shame, guilt, and fear upon our children. To create a vaccine to stop this is the work of the devil for we would rather our mothers, sisters, and daughters die and the very womb of life rot and fester before we see it used for pleasure and reproduction outside of our control.
Amen.

Thursday, May 3, 2007

Nu - Eth Yah -Un

The Magical Formula of NUEThYHUN,
better expressed as Nu - Eth Yah -Un.


Nu is the egyptian god who personified the swirling primeval chaos from which the cosmic order was produced. Or as in the Thelemic definition Nu is the space of Nuit. While on the other side is Un. Un is an egyptian word that means to appear or manifest. The direct opposite of Nu, graphically expressed by the reversal of letters.

So,
Nu - nothingness
Un - somethingness

Both are composed of Nun and Vav or 56, the microcosm and macrocosm, reducing to 11.

Now the middle of the formula.
Eth is a hebrew word meaning essence. Often used as a divine name for Spirit. From the letters we see Aleph and Tav or the Beginning and the End. The all or Pan. Also representing the middle pillar forming a vertical component.

While Yah is the divine name for Chokmah or wisdom. The actual meaning in hebrew is Eternal. From the letters we see Yod and Heh, fire and water, consecration and purification. Also the letters can be representing the white and black pillars of mercy and severity, or a horizontal component.

Eth - 401 reducing to 5
Yah - 15 reducing to 6
Once again 56 or 11.

Further the vertical and horizontal expressions can be seen as a cross. A cross of sacrifice and transformation. This is strengthened by Nu and Un, being Nun which is fish and the Vav is nails, both relating to christian mystic elements.

Taken as a whole, you have nothingness and somethingness or expressed as 0=2.
Between them is the eternal essence or the eternal spirit. Transformation.

Finally 56+56+56 = 168
168 is the latin phrase Parentes Superni or the Supreme Parents. Nuit and Hadit.
168 reduces to 6, the balance of Tiphareth. Ra-Hoor-Khuit

Monday, April 23, 2007

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Thelemic Rosary (Simple Version)

A very simple version to get you started. Expanded versions for various purposes coming at a later date.

Open with the The Oath of the Enchantment
from Liber V vel Reguli.

First three small beads:
1st small bead: Had! The manifestation of Nuit.
2ed small bead: Nu! the hiding of Hadit.
3ed small bead: Abrahadabra; the reward of Ra Hoor Khut.

All Large Beads: Confession and Declaration:
ASAR UN-NEFER, you who are not my body, you who are not my heart, you who are not my mind. Holy art thou, my secret self! Lord of the Gods. Unity uttermost showed!

Through my own fault, in my thoughts and in my deeds, in what I have done and what I have failed to do, I have neglected to know and do my will. I have cast blame on others and other circumstances. I have not accepted responsibility for my own actions and inactions.

Hear me, I invoke you!
I seek to write new values on new tablets!
I seek to fully realize the Aeon of Horus, that I might work my will in the world!
Such are the Words!

Small beads: The Holiest of All Mantras
Unity uttermost showed!
I adore the might of Thy breath,
Supreme and terrible God,
Who makest the gods and death
To tremble before Thee: --
I, I adore thee!

Appear on the throne of Ra!
Open the ways of the Khu!
Lighten the ways of the Ka!
The ways of the Khabs run through
To stir me or still me!
Aum! let it fill me!

Concluding Prayer: from the Preliminary Invocation of the Goetia
Hear Me, And make all Spirits subject unto Me:
So that every Spirit of the Firmament, And of the Ether,
Upon the Earth, And under the Earth,
On dry land, And in the Water,
Of whirling Air, And of rushing Fire,
And every Spell and Scourge of God, may be obedient unto Me!

Close with the The Oath of the Enchantment
from Liber V vel Reguli.



Friday, April 6, 2007

Fundamental Obeisance

Dee's Fundamental Obeisance (Revised and Rewritten)

Eheieh Asher Eheieh,
I invoke and call upon your Divine Power and authority,
and ask you to favor and assist me in all my works, words and actions.

And by your twelve mystical names.
ORO IBAH AOZPI, MOR DIAL HCTGA,
OIP TEAA PDOCE, MPH ARSL GAIOL,
do I entreat and implore your Divine Majesty.

Aid and bear witness to my spiritual endeavor. Send forth your faithful Angelic and Ministering Spirits, where ever they might be and in whatever time I might call, by the authority of your Holy Names. May they come quickly when called, visibly and peacefully before us. Grant me your authority to command your spirits that they will answer to my demands and instructions faithfully and to my satisfaction.
Amen.

Thursday, April 5, 2007

Concept of Divinity

Q: What is the great work?
A: The great work is the end of your life's work and the achievement of union with God.

Now what does this mean exactly? Well I cannot tell you that, BUT I can tell you what it means to me. I am not an atheist, I believe in God or the Divine as I prefer to call it, not he. Not exactly the Christian God but a creator god. A master of the universe, the creator of all. The creator of you and me.

Now I also believe man is God. Not in the sense most people use the term that man is all there is, so man is his own god. And not in the sense that man is a creator like God or equal to God. No.

What I mean is, Man at his deepest core is one with God, the divine. Man is divine.

An analogy:
Consider most Christian religions ideas and concepts about Jesus Christ. They believe he is fully man and fully God at the same time. I believe this is true about all men. And likewise they believe in the concept of the trinity. That God the father, God the son, and God the holy spirit are separate entities, yet the same entity all at the same time. This is what I mean when I say, "Man is God".

As a man we are flesh and blood walking around eating and shitting, but at the same time we are not the same as God, we are in fact a part of him, we are one with God. We are separate and not separate at the same time. The great work is to overcome the illusion of duality and to digest the seemingly impossibility of being a duality and singularity at the same time.

In Thelemic Terms:
Nuit and Hadit are the duality, opposites in the extreme. One the infinite, the other the infinitely small. Just as extreme as the opposites as a flesh and blood man and the all powerful creator of everything. Yet, Ra-Hoor-Khuit is the singularity. Just as we must become and discover our own singularity in order to achieve the great work.

Once again the lession of the New Aeon is we can no longer just worship the divine. Or through worship assume the qualities of the divine or Jesus or Osiris to overcome death. We must realize our own divinity. We must become our own Christ. We must realize and be the anointed one.

Tuesday, March 6, 2007

Fearing the Dark

I was engaged in meditation last night and as usual for me, my mind began to wonder. For some strange reason I was thinking of our friendly sun, Sol. The suddenly for just a moment I was struck by the most terrifying real feeling of fear that the sun might not rise tomorrow. The moment passed and my rational mind took over saying of course this is impossible. But the moment happened, for that brief few seconds it was a very real concern in my mind.

An irrational slip or did I dig down into Jung's basement? Who knows, but it does make me wonder. Regardless of how much we proclaim the new aeon. Regardless of how much we marvel of our scientific advances and understandings of the world and the universe, deep down inside all of us somewhere we are still nothing more than huddled masses fearing the dark.

The Aeon of Osiris is alive and well. We might know that a new age has dawned but does our nephesh? Does our mass unconscious know there is still nothing to fear? Obviously not. This of course makes the change and the adaptation to the new age all the more difficult. We must rewire centuries and centuries of imprinted view points, not only in ourselves but in our very core. The part we do not like to acknowledge. The part that still fears the dark and awaits with hope for the dawn that may not come.

Friday, March 2, 2007

Hoor-paar-Kraat

To be a Star, to be Alone

Crowley described Fredrich Nietzsche as a prophet of the New Aeon. I happen to agree with him. I was familer with his work long before I had ever heard the name Crowley. Even just a light reading of Thus Spoke Zarathustra will reveal much about love, ethics, and the will to power.

One chapter of Thus Spoke Zarathustra always stood out in my mind as particularly powerful. I will explore this more in depth now.

Chapter 17, The Way of the Creating One, Selected Quotes:

"Wouldst thou go into isolation, my brother? Wouldst thou seek the way unto thyself? Tarry yet a little and hearken unto me."He who seeketh may easily get lost himself. All isolation is wrong": so say the herd. And long didst thou belong to the herd. The voice of the herd will still echo in thee. And when thou sayest, "I have no longer a conscience in common with you," then will it be a plaint and a pain."

Neitzsche is very adamant about the fact with change and upon starting upon a new path you will become isolated. Not a physical isolation as a mystic going into the desert, although this does happen from time to time upon the path especially at various junctures. No a mental, spiritual, and ethical isolation. You can be completely surrounded by people and be completely alone. An island unto yourself separated by the shear fact that you see the world in a different manner than everyone else around you.

With this difference comes conflict and pain. Mankind at an instinctual level is a herd animal. Built into our DNA is the need and desire to be with others. There is safety in numbers. And not only the need to gather in groups but that the groups need to be the same. Any divergence from the norm could be a danger. The greater divergence the greater the possible danger not only to yourself but to the rest of the herd.

Due to this we not only have to overcome the pressures from those around us and society in general but we must overcome our very own instincts. Don't be different it screams! If you are then hide it, it implores! This is of course is not easy but if you accept Thelema, if you accept the formula of the New Aeon, it means you will see the world differently. You will react differently due to this new world view. You will become isolated from all those around you. You will have pain but that is the price you pay if you want to perform your will in the world. If not then rejoin the slaves who are blind to their chains.

"Canst thou give unto thyself thy bad and thy good, and set up thy will as a law over thee? Canst thou be judge for thyself, and avenger of thy law? Terrible is aloneness with the judge and avenger of one's own law. Thus is a star projected into desert space, and into the icy breath of aloneness. To-day sufferest thou still from the multitude, thou individual; to-day hast thou still thy courage unabated, and thy hopes."

To follow this path presents yet another problem. Once you separate yourself from the rest of society you no longer have the guidance of their norms to guide you. You will only have your will and your will alone. No one else can know your will therefore no one can judge you on your will. The responsibility and the burden of judge and juror will be upon your own shoulders. The law of your will must be enforced by you and you alone. The laws of the land must be upheld or else lawlessness will reign. To determine our own good and evil, to do our will in the world, and to punish the violation of the law is both our greatest joy and our greatest suffering.

"Injustice and filth cast they at the lonesome one: but, my brother, if thou wouldst be a star, thou must shine for them none the less on that account! And be on thy guard against the good and just! They would fain crucify those who devise their own virtue--they hate the lonesome ones."

We are left with the words of the prophet. The world will hate us for our choice. They will hate that we and we alone choose our own good and evil. We decide that this is right and that is wrong and this I will do and this I will not do. Not the values upon the tablets of your gods, not the laws decided upon by men, and not the herd who screams, "Do not be different!" "Obey!"

This is my will and this is my law. You will be my mutton and my wool. I will be your master. I will bear the agony of my isolation for I am a star and you will bear the burden of my indifference for I am not as you.

Thursday, March 1, 2007

Prayer of Confession

ASAR UN-NEFER, you who are not my body, you who are not my heart, you who are not my mind. Holy art thou, my secret self! Lord of the Gods. Unity uttermost showed!

Through my own fault, in my thoughts and in my deeds, in what I have done and what I have failed to do, I have neglected to know and do my will. I have cast blame on others and other circumstances. I have not accepted responsibility for my own actions and inactions.

Hear me, I invoke you!
I seek to write new values on new tablets!
I seek to fully realize the Aeon of Horus, that I might work my will in the world!
Such are the Words!

The Aeon of Horus, Part 2

With the writing/receiving of the Book of the Law, Crowley announced the beginning of the age of Horus. A new aeon was proclaimed. But what exactly does this mean for us on a cultural and global level?

First we must determine if this is in fact true. I for one do not accept things out of hand or "take someone's word for it" as it was. I accept that the Aeon of Horus is a powerful formula on a personal level for growth and basic outlook or point of view. But does it apply to humanity as a whole? Every man and every woman is a star. So yes, I can agree that everyone can "accept" this revelation and what it could or can mean to them, but the question still remains is the world itself changing due to this new aeon?

Does it mean humanity is reaching a new era of growth? I would love to believe that is true. I am excited by the onset of the information age. Kant said, "Those who would deny you free flow of information in their hearts dream themselves your master." I believe this absolutely. Worldwide we see the effects that mass publishing, satellite TV, and the rise of the internet has had, especially on totalitarian systems. China is an excellent example of this, the government is scrambling as best they can to squash it. Banning internet sites and in some cases the internet access as a whole. Civil unrest spreads rapidly as they stand like the little dutch boy desperately attempting to keep the dam whole.

On the other hand with the increase of information just how much of it is useful? I would dare guess that over 70% of the internet is pornography. Not that I am a prude by any means. Man is a sexual creature and sex is how he expresses that. I will offer that these type of sites may encourage sexual liberation to the more repressed people of our society but just how many "money shots" do you need to see before you can become enlightened?

Quality is another issue. For every university site devoted to mathematics, poetry, and various arts and sciences you have just as many neo-nazi sites promoting narrow minded garbage. For every Blog or livejournal where people attempt to express themselves you have a myspace or uTube where people collect friends or fart jokes.

A key signal may be that Church attendance to organized religions is down all across the board and interest in alternative spirituality such as meditation and the occult seem on the rise. Yet at the same time we see more charismatic evangelical churches attendance exploding. People of all religions seem to becoming more radical and extremist. Even non religious groups such as political parties and society as a whole seem to be polarizing.

As a whole I just do not see mankind rising to a new level of awareness and personal responsibility. Although I do see signs of hope. Perhaps this may all be explained by the newness of the age. The "growing pains" as it was and the bud is not near ready to flower.

So where does that leave us? Has the new aeon begun for all mankind? I don't know. It is too early to tell either way. There is not enough data to determine. As with all things only time will tell and if your reading this, you and I will both be dust before a definite answer is known.

Until then all we can do is accept the New Aeon for ourselves on a personal level, determine what that might mean for our lives, discover our will and go forth and do it.

Wednesday, February 28, 2007

The Aeon of Horus

The Aeon of Horus

With the writing/receiving of the Book of the Law, Crowley announced the beginning of the age of Horus. A new aeon was proclaimed. But what exactly does this mean for us on a personal level?

First it means the old aeon is past, the Aeon of Osiris, the formula of the slain and resurrected god. We no longer have to follow that path for spiritual redemption and advancement. A new path was forged, one like Hoor-par-kraat we only need to "grow up" and take what is rightfully ours as Horus. In short we must take responsibility for our own growth, we can only rely upon ourselves. Not a guru. Not god/s. Not a group or church.

To be a Thelemite, to follow Thelema, means you must take the responsibility of your own path and growth. Ultimately this is a terrifying leap, because with that responsibility comes the acceptance for all your actions and inactions, as well as the possible consequence and results. You can no longer blame the world for your misfortunes. The devil didn't make you do it. It wasn't that God didn't answer your prayers. Your teacher or group didn't lie to you, you were just too stupid or lazy to discover the truth for yourself. So you lied to yourself. The reason you didn't get that promotion is not because your boss hates you. You yourself didn't make it happen. You let yourself down, not anyone or anything else. Success is your proof as well as the lack of success.

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Adoration of Fire

Holy art Thou, Lord of Fire!
Wherein Thou hast shown forth the Throne of Thy Glory.

YHVH TZABAOTH!
Leader of Armies is Thy Holy Name.
O, Thou Flashing Fire, Thou illuminatest all things.
With Thy insupportable Refulgence
Whence flow the ceaseless streams of Splendor
Which nourisheth Thine Infinite Spirit.

Help us, Thy children, whom Thou hast loved.
Since the birth of the Ages of Time.
AMEN.

Friday, February 16, 2007

True Will

In an attempt to define true will I offer the following:

True Will does not spring from conscious intent, but from the interplay between the deepest Self and the entire Universe. Therefore, the enlightened Thelemite is one who is able to eliminate or bypass one's ego-created desires, conflicts, and habits, and tap directly into the Self/Universe nexus. Theoretically, at this point, the Thelemite acts in alignment with Nature, just as a stream flows downhill, with neither resistance nor "lust of result." -from wiki

To know and do your true will you must know your true self, the secret self within. In truth you cannot know the self you can only be the self.

You have a job but you are not your job. You have pleasure and pain but you are not them. You have desires and friends and family, you are none of them. You are not the play list on your ipod. You may have a body but you are not your body. You may have emotions but you are not your emotions. You may have thoughts but you are not your thoughts. You are the self that does not think or know it just is, it is a being.

From that vantage point there is no doubt, there is no desire, there only is a being. The ego can say I. The self cannot say I, it can only say I am. It is what it is and it does what it does, there is nothing else.

In samadi you may know and be the self but samadi is not the self. Samadi is a tool to allow you to experience the self but you cannot spend the rest of your life in samdi nor should anyone want to. The self is the center and secret self that goes where you go and moves with you. In time you can operate from the self at all times carrying it around as a hidden pearl. In operating from the self you are living your true will as the self knows no thoughts or distractions nor needs any reasons. It just is.

It is not a knowing, it is a being.

About Me

My Introduction

I was born in a small town in Alabama, moved to Georgia as a small child, returned to Alabama for my higher education, and now once again live in a small town in Georgia.

There was nothing unusual about my childhood. I guess my family was Christian, but there was never any mention of God, Church, or spirituality in my home growing up. I was always interested in such things but was never certain what that meant or where to start. While growing up I devoured any book about magick or occult themed. None of them "real", young adult fiction mostly, fantasy. I even kept a small spiral bound notebook with any details I could gather from these books. Things you could do with unicorn horn and "spells" which were of course nothing but bits of prose. Being in a small and VERY conservative bible belt southern town I never had any access to anything more of value, although it wasn't for lack of effort at the local library and bookstore. Later I was able to acquire a few books on witchcraft and candle magick but none of these things seemed to be really what I was looking for.

In my middle teens I was talked into going to one of those Christian evangelical retreats. At the camp I decided to become a Christian. Being of that tender age I was swept up in the fanaticism of that brand of hard line Christianity. I was handing out tracts and bibles left and right, attempting to convert anyone I met. In short, I became one of "those" people. This went on for a fare number of years until I entered into college. By then I had mellowed a bit as well as opened my mind to allow more things. There was now at least a grey area outside of the stark black and white only.

This mellowing continued until I fell out of favor of going to that brand of church anymore. I just couldn't stand the hypocrisies I saw all around me. God was all loving and all powerful, but if you fuck up just a little your going straight to Hell to burn for all eternity. Some loving God.

The preacher would teach that a rich man couldn't get into heaven while standing at the pulpit in a three thousand dollar suit. The congregation would go on about the fellowship of man and that we were all Gods children. Yet all Jews, Hindus, and most Catholics were going to Hell. And this church is the upper middle class white church. If you want the black or lower middle class white church you have to go down the street. You'll know it, it has the same denomination on the sign.

My mystic and long forgotten occult interest returned although now with Hell still looming as a very real possibility in my mind I subverted that interest into a form I could accept. I took a massive leap and converted to Catholicism. The ritual of the mass, the smell of the incense, the candles and statues. I loved every bit of it. I still felt a few pangs of need but I was able to suppress most of those with Christian Mysticism. Of course this too became less important to me in time.

I remember I once again was looking for what I had always looked for, real magick books. Although this time my small town roots couldn't hold me back. I had the internet, I had amazon. I found the odd term Grimoire. I searched for all of them and finally chose the one everyone seemed to agree on was the best. It went by the odd name, Goetia and was edited by Crowley/Mathers.

I was so excited when it finally arrived in the mail. I tore into it but was more than a little confused. I was not sure what it was I was expecting, I guess "spells" of some kind. The first part of the preliminary ritual of the Goetia lived up to what I expected, a spell but then it quickly became nonsensical. Yellow Pentagram? 2=9? Hebrew Letters? What the hell is it talking about?!?

I had no idea what it was talking about but I LOVED it! I still had no idea what it was I was looking for or had been looking for all those years but for once I knew, I just knew that THIS whatever this is, was IT!

I purchased other books, The Tree of Life, Magick in Thoery and Practice, and Modern Magick. I began and bumbled my way through such things as asana and the lessor banishing ritual of the pentagram. I made experements and odd assertions on my own for about a year until one day I was bored at the computer and did a search on LBRP. To my complete suprise I discovered entire forums devoted to magick, my kind of magick. And not only forums but groups such as the OTO and the Golden Dawn were still in existence. From what I read in the introduction to the Goetia I was under the impression such groups disappeared over a hundred years ago. I discovered I wasn't the only one with such odd ideas and passions. I actually had other people to talk to about these things, for the first time I was not alone.

I still had some spiritual unraveling to do and dross to remove. I still didn't understand a bit of what Crowley was going on about and this whole Thelema thing didn't seem like me. Shortly after my discovery of others I joined the Golden Dawn. I found a home there and spent many years working my way through the outer order. I am still a member and bless them for all they have taught me over the years. But in time I grew till new questions and concepts came upon me from within my own soul and for the first time the order had no solid answers for me.

Searching for answers I ran across some of Crowley's writings I had never paid any attention to. He used odd names and discretions but there it was regardless, the answers and concepts I had been trying to label myself.

Pouring over these ideas the exact phrase that came out of my mouth was, "God Damn, I think I might be a Thelemite..."

With that I am at where I am at now. Am I a Thelemite? Does that identification ring true? If so, what does that mean for me? These and many more questions I am still attempting to answer. But for once I am saying to hell with everyone and everything else. I am in this alone and I will discover my own truth come hell or high water. In that I guess I really am a Thelemite.

These and many more things I am exploring with this blog. Read if you wish, even comment if you wish. Regardless I am going to keep exploring and keep writing.

Love is the Law, Love under Will.